Can any mom relate in comparing their child to others?
I have never really been that parent that would compare my child to others nor have I ever questioned my child’s progress. I think I have just been that Mom who stays focused on my kids and doesn’t really look around to see what others are doing or not doing for that matter.
Just within the last few days, I have had multiple people tell me that they are concerned for my two year old. He talks a lot, but does not put full sentences together yet. I have had people say “Oh but when this boy was 2, he was putting full sentences together. You should really get Jaylen checked out” Or “Have you worked with him everyday on his speech and dedicated that time for him?” Or “He should be doing this by now, I’m concerned for him.”
Now let me add here, I am not opposed to helping him out professionally if he needs help talking. I am also not opposed to take a step back and say yes I could have devoted more time to work with him. BUT can’t we as Moms always say that we can do better in certain areas? We are NOT perfect!
So I am opening up to you today because as I never really compared Jaylen’s speaking to other kids because he does talk. He talks more with me and Chris because he is comfortable with us. I think sometimes people can get offended because he does not open up to everyone around him. He is 2!!!! AND… Every Kid is different!
Comparing your child is an opening for disaster!
What do I mean? The anxiety that sets in is overwhelming! I found myself talking about it until I went to bed last night with my husband. Never up until that point was I nervous about his communication nor was I worried about what other kids were doing. Then all of a sudden I listen to a few comments and now I am worried! So off to Toys R Us I went buying him word games, flash cards galore. My husband finally said STOP IT! Will the flash cards help.. YES! Do I need to be worried about it NO! So often we can get sucked into comparing your child’s progress to others because lets face it doesn’t the doctor tell us how are kids fit into the spectrum?
So can I vow to dedicate more time to really focus in on him speaking in full sentences.. of course I can. Just because someone else is comparing their kids to mine does not make it acceptable nor should I join in and start comparing. This leaves an open door to get frustrated with your child because they aren’t like everyone else at that moment in time. It also leaves the door open for you to feel like you have been a bad parent and the area that they are “lacking” in is a reflection of you! It leaves the door open for you to always be comparing your child in everything.
Sometimes it is hard not comparing your child to their peers
Thank God for my husband reassuring me that I was doing a fabulous job. He told me to stop worrying about where Jaylen was and keep focusing on providing, teaching and doing what I think is best for him. Not what others think I should be doing. Everybody always has an opinion and up until yesterday I have been pretty set in my ways and never really listened to the chatter. A couple of statements about my child sent me into a tizzy (is that a word? ha!) and I spent the rest of the day worrying.
So I end this blog with this statement: Be careful what you listen to! Comparing your child opens up many doors to untruthful worries that will consume your mind!
The fact of the matter is that comparing your child to others is not a good use of our time. If you can agree or ever thought this before or experienced it I would love to hear from you! I think being open and honest about things can help get the worry monkeys off our backs 🙂